


Referred To Human Resources

by littlesolo



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-02-28 02:40:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 9,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2715887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlesolo/pseuds/littlesolo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natalie Rushman's less life threatening problems during her assignment</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Consider It

**Author's Note:**

> "Boss lady!" "Darcy" "Hypothetically speaking if someone of the female persuasion asekd you out, would you say yes? Totally not for me, well I would totally go for you but then I might get killed, literally." "What?" "So, yes/no to the female thing?" "I would consider it." "Cool beans! HEY NATASHA SHE SAID YES!"

"Lady Maria, what are ‘cool beans’?" asks Thor from behind her.

"The least of my concerns, believe me" mutters Maria, seeing as how Darcy’s announcement had to have been heard by at least everyone who worked on the same floor as she did with Pepper. At least Tony was out for the day.

Darcy went off explaining the expression to a still puzzled Thor. ” _But they are warmed when cooked! How could their less appealing state be better?_ "

Well, it’d be better for everyone if she took care of this sooner rather than later. Although, being possibly pursued by Natasha would keep most from any teasing.

 **MHill** : A singing telegram might have been just as effective and not as embarrassing for the both of us

* * *

Seeing the message, Natasha halted momentarily in her search for the intern that she was going to kill. She had been sitting in Pepper’s office when Jane’s cohort made her announcement. She hadn’t blushed, but she’s pretty sure Pepper caught the tick in her forehead as she excused herself.

The message. Yes. Well, she should really respond shouldn’t she? It was just that a big question mark didn’t seem to be the right response at the moment. Hiding in air ducts did. Which is how she found herself back in Pepper’s office having shoved her phone at the other woman.

"Now what?"

"Well, what do you want to do?" asks Pepper.

"Kill a particular intern" mutters Natasha, slumping in her seat, not caring that it’ll wrinkle her dress.

"Aside from inflicting harm. I’m referring to the situation with Maria" coaxes Pepper gently. Pepper had known of Natasha’s attraction (because Natasha refused to call it a crush) to the Commander since Natasha had worked undercover as Natalie Rushman. It was what let them go back to working so well together, knowing that she wasn’t remotely interested in Tony but in Maria who Pepper had had a meeting with but Natalie hadn’t uttered a word. Or more accurately, had been too nervous to while she was undercover.

"Offer to let her help kill said intern. I don’t know Pepper! Normally, it’s Maria or Phil setting these things up!" explains Natasha as she runs a frustrated hand through her hair. Pepper blinks.

"What do you mean?"

"On jobs, Phil or Maria usually acted as my handler and set up the next part" says Natasha.

"Well, this is the real world and there isn’t a set plan or script, Nat" says Pepper with a sympathetic look.

"I know. That’s why I suck at it. On a job you tell me to seduce or work a room, I can do that! In real life social situations, I’m one big blooper reel" groans Natasha as she sets her head on Pepper’s desk.

"Is that why you tend to go with the intense and silent routine? So no one sees that you have your foot in your mouth as often as Steve does?" asks Pepper with a grin. Natasha lifts her head just enough to give Pepper a death glare.

"Not helping! I still have to send something back!"

"So do it already! Just don’t over think it" advises Pepper as she tosses Nat back her phone.

 **NRoff** : That was just a warm up. But I suppose a text will have to do rather than a gorilla with balloons. Would you like to go to dinner with me tonight? Anywhere you’d like. Thai, Chinese, Diner, Pancakes, Cheeseburgers, I don’t care. I’m paying though. That’s right, I said paying not scamming or stealing so choose wisely.

"Now what?" asks Natasha again once her message is sent.

"You wait for her reply" answers Pepper with a roll of her eyes. Natasha is just about to groan when her phone chimes.

 **MHill** : Meet me in the lobby at seven


	2. Professional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalie Rushman is just as much of a professional as Natasha Romanoff in the business world. Too bad both personas are weak-kneed in front of one Maria Hill. Damn Coulson and him being unavailable to liaise with Pepper. Now Maria is here and damn it. She looks just as good in uniform as she is in business clothes. (She knows it's bad when Pepper can see through her, that means Maria could too, hopefully she'll think it's part of Natalie Rushman and not Natasha)

Natalie Rushman is an assistant. Meaning there is no reason for her to utter so much as a word since the meeting is between Pepper and Maria.

 _God, Maria looks good in that suit, and with her hair down too_. Natasha’s wondering if it’s as silky and luscious feeling as it looks and is dying to run her fingers through it.   
_NO! No, no, no fantasizing because that might lead to action_. Petting the Commander’s head would be an situation even the Black Widow would have trouble getting out of. 

"I believe Natalie has those numbers. Natalie?" says Pepper as she turns towards her.

 _Folder, folder, folder…here it is! Why is Pepper making that face? Don’t raise that eyebrow and smirk! You only do that when you know something Pepper!! Shit. She knows. I’d curse in Russian now but Natalie doesn’t know Russian and it doesn’t seem harsh enough at the moment_.

"…then I’ll leave Natalie with you for the afternoon to go over everything in case you have any questions" says Pepper as she gets up from the table.

_Wait, what? Me and Maria alone all afternoon? That could be interes- BAD VERY BAD!_

"You seem to be fitting in rather well, agent Romanoff" says Maria in a low voice. Natasha’s trying to stop her mind from conjuring fantasies. _Deep breath_.

"It’s a welcome change of pace to have a mission that involves more paper cuts rather than bullets. Actually, very few of those seeing as how they’ve gone mostly paperless" answers Natasha.

_Score!! No stuttering or freezing up! Now if I can just maintain this for the next….three hours….fuck. I saw that smirk Pepper! I will get you for this!_


	3. Pepper Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did you pretend to have a crush on Maria so that I'd let down my guard with you around Tony?"

Pepper notices then that Natalie hasn’t even heard her question and is busy compiling the things she’ll need for her meeting later with Maria.

"Really? Just clear my schedule for a _whole afternoon_ with Maria? _C’mon!_ Wait! I’ll sit next to her and not across so I don’t stare and am not caught staring…” mutters Natasha. The rest Pepper isn’t able to catch because Natalie’s voice drifts off.

Her assistant seems genuinely flustered.

"Natalie, do you actually like Maria Hill?" asks Pepper carefully. As much as she first suspected the red head of trying something with Tony, she can’t exactly forget the way she slammed Happy either.

Well, she didn’t say anything, but the deer in headlights look said enough.

"Did you like her before you started working here? Phil mentioned you two had worked together some before…" Pepper wasn’t sure the girl was even blinking anymore. The tips of her ears were starting to match her hair though. Miss Rushman seems to compose herself right before her eyes.

"Phil _mentioned_ ….of course he did” says Natalie.

"Natalie…." starts Pepper.

"Phil Coulson is a meddling dead man and you’ll be receiving nothing but bottom of the pot burned coffee and stale muffins for the rest of the week" says Natalie before leaving for her afternoon with Maria.

Well, it’s safe to say she wasn’t pretending.

* * *

Pepper walks by the room later and notices that Natalie seems….sort of on edge. A paper falls to the floor and Natalie manages to hit her head on the table as she picks it up. She lacks her usual grace that Pepper has gotten used to seeing and resembles more of high school intern. Her work is impeccable as always, but when she’s around Maria… flustered is putting it mildly.

* * *

 

Maria is concerned for their operative. Although this is one of the calmer missions she’s been given (despite the rock ‘em sock ‘em robot battle in Tony’s house) she seems a bit high strung. Maria has always respected both the Black Widow and Natasha Romanoff. To her mind, it’s Widow who keeps herself fit and skilled and knowledgeable on numerous things. It’s Natasha who refrains from using Widow’s abilities to deal with all those who made her already difficult adjustment all that much harder with how they treated her. Cold shoulders and suspicion and attitudes that were usually demonstrated by Russians in horrid American spy novels. She wondered if Phil had been pushing her too hard? The man was too eager to please and had no sense sometimes.

A loud explosion has both of them instinctively out of their seats and in a crouch, Natasha hovering in front of her, blocking any attack. After Maria gives her a nod that she’s alright, Natasha rushes to Pepper’s side.

She comes back in scowling and Maria bites her lip to keep from smiling. All she made out of Natasha’s grumbles were the words “Tony” and “R & D level”. Well, that explained the explosion.

* * *

Natasha’s upping Pepper’s crappy coffee and muffin service to two weeks.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Done with justanexercise (top)

“These meetings with SHIELD are excessive.”

Pepper hums and continues to compose an email to one Agent Hill.

Natalie shuffles her feet and glares at Pepper. “I believe your time could be better spent meeting with the board members about Hammer Industries tomorrow.”

“Hammer’s tech has nothing on par with Stark’s.”

“They’re not, but the fact is the government is still purchasing Hammer technology, second best to Stark is still quite high in the weapons industry.”

Pepper clicks send and spins in her seat, giving Natalie a soft smile. “He’s not even second best, but we’ll just let the government think that. Once the expo hits there will be no need for the board members to complain.”

Natalie tilts her head. “How can you be so sure?”

“Trust me, I’ve worked with Justin Hammer before coming on board Stark Industries.” Pepper pushes off her chair and walks to the door. “Oh, Agent Hill will be coming by in two hours to discuss the remaining Stark weapons we have in possession.”

Natalie freezes and nearly trips over her own feet. “Two hours?” she asks, eyes wide.

“Yes, two hours. And you’ll be accompanying me to Hammer Expo tomorrow night, I’ve set aside an expense account if you need something to wear.”

“Miss Potts?” Happy opens the door and straightens up. He hands Pepper a Starbucks cup as Natalie scowls. “The car is ready.”

“Thank you Happy. Oh and Natalie?”

“Yes Miss Potts?” Natalie says, glaring at the coffee cup.

“I hear Agent Hill likes sushi.”

* * *

"Natalie? I said I assume you’re going to the Stark Expo as well?"

Natasha hates the way her cover name sounds when Maria says it. It sounds plastic and flimsy and makes the persona she has on suddenly seem ill fitting.

"Yeah. I’d be going anyway but I got an official invite of sorts when Pepper told me I’d be accompanying her."

At the moment they’re having sushi, Maria having helped Natasha pick out her black dress for the event and one for herself as well as they waited for Phil to get back to them with more intel about Justin Hammer.

"You know you’re allowed to have a little fun on these assignments. The Expo is a big night, lots can happen" says Maria with a smile.

_Great. How was she supposed to interrupt **that**?_

* * *

The way the Expo turned out? Not how she thinks Maria meant….


	5. Still?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're still not with Maria?" "I don't see how that's your business Pepper" "It is when I'd been trying to set you 2 up when you were here as Ms. Rushman!" "Pepper, I was playing a persona" "Oh really?" "Yes" "Hey Maria? Could you come into my office right now, there are a few things I'd like to discuss." "Of course, see you in 5 Pepper" "Pepper, what areyou doing?" "Nothing" "Pepper!"

Natasha didn’t need a Mom figure meddling! She’d never had one and did just just fine. ”Were we supposed to get together in between SHIELD’s fall or my trying to evade capture from various governments after?” hisses Natasha. Pepper doesn’t even flinch, although the glare aimed at her would make most shrink away.

"She’s been working here two months and you’ve been our private contractor for one now. You could have at least gone to lunch" says Pepper as she finishes an email. Natasha stares at Pepper incredulously.

"Do you have money riding on this or something?"

"Do me a favor, and don’t mistake me for Tony. No, I don’t have any money riding on this but let’s say I’m looking out for people’s interests" says Pepper before there’s a knock at the door. Natasha is still wondering what Pepper meant when Maria comes in.

"Natasha! I didn’t know you were back!" says Maria with a surprised smile.

"Me neither…I mean, I think I’m still on the Philippine time schedule" says Natasha, trying to recover after seeing Maria again for the first time in a while.

"Hey, you want to catch lunch in a bit?" asks Maria.

Pepper’s watching the two and they are adorable, but she’s this close to stabbing Natasha’s hand with her pen if she doesn’t answer by the count of five. _FIVE, FOUR, THREE-_

"Sure, let me just go grab a shower while you two meet" says Natasha. She throws a glare at Pepper as she leaves.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You like her" "WHat are you talking about Pepper?" "You like Maria Hill! God I thought you two were just acting when you were undercover, but you actually like her!" "Are you ok?" "Don't deny it Natasha" "Pepper, I think you need some rest" "I just woke up an hour ago" "Then Stark put something in your coffee, you're delusional" "I am not, you have a crush on Maria" "I don't have a crush on Maria" "You can't even say her name without smiling"

"What! I smile! I’m allowed to smile about…things!!" sputters Natasha. Pepper raises an eyebrow at her.

"Also, I’m an ex-KGB assassin. We do not have crushes" states Natasha stubbornly.

"Call it whatever you like, the rest of us call it a crush" says Pepper as she crosses her arms.

"Rest of _who_?" says Natasha as she bolts upright in her chair. This isn’t the first time she’s been accused of having a crush on Maria Hill, first Melinda and Bobbi and now Pepper!

"I also seem to remember you ‘accidentally’ knocking Swanson off a four story building when you heard him ask Maria out and then ask out one of the SI interns" says Pepper, grinning at this side she’s seeing of Natasha.

"He was clumsy!! That’s all! He’s being a bastard has nothing to do with me" retorts Natasha. Thinking back, she’d only let him live because she knew Phil wouldn’t believe it was an accident.

But she wouldn’t go as far as to deny anything either. She was attracted to Maria. She’d tell her too, but so far she hadn’t been able to react normally around her. She’d hit her head on the table, with the door, spilled coffee, and gotten enough paper cuts in the largely paperless office to possibly merit a blood transfusion. Natasha was this close to asking Bruce to scan her brain for anomalies but the incidents only happened when she was in Maria’s presence.

And maybe she had taken a few friendly liberties, but they were in Maria’s best interest! Threatening that senator’s aide away and keeping him from asking Maria out had been good for everyone. Especially, since he still hadn’t gotten to the point where he could look her in the eye yet. So really she’d done Maria a favor by having Skye delete the message from her cell phone, right? Skye would get over being scared if Maria found out. I mean she’d have to if she wanted to be a SHIELD agent. Part of being an agent was knowing that no matter how you went about doing your mission, somewhere along the line someone was going to be unhappy.

Although, right now it looked like that person was going to be Natasha, since Pepper was clearly up to something.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper needs help. Nat and Maria still aren't together, even though they go to lunch once a week and drinks every other weekend when their schedules allow it. But nope, still not together. Pepper calls in Darcy, she'll need some creative thinking to get around Natasha to finally ask Maria out.

Maria and Natasha are enjoying a pleasant lunch of gyros from an authentic Greek place when Darcy pulls up a chair.  
Natasha isn’t sure what’s going on but she’s heard horror stories from Jane.

"Ladies lunch? Awesome, awesome. The baclava is perfect here, all gooey and honeyed."

"Darcy, did something urgent come up?" asks Maria, suddenly all business again. Natasha tries to hide hide her disappointment. She’d been having fun and Maria had been laughing and it had been…nice.

"Well, Pepper wants me to bring her a baclava to go, but that’s it. I’ve got the meeting later under control."

"Wait, I don’t understand. Why do you do that and not Jane?" asks Maria.

"Because much like when Coulson came to take our stuff, the government trying to take Jane’s stuff makes her violent. And Natasha here was the one to teach her self defense, so I do it instead" explains Darcy. Maria gives Natasha a look. Seeing as how she’s no longer acting Second in Command, the look is more bemused than scolding.

"So, how often are we doing this lunch thing?" asks Darcy. Due to practice, Natasha avoids choking on her latest bite of her gyro. She’s too busy taking a large gulp of her drink to prevent a cough attack to notice the blush that appears on Maria’s face briefly.

Darcy notices both the blush and how Natasha misses it and feels like putting her head through the table.

"Actually, these lunches are more of an opportunity for us to catch up with each other given our schedules" explains Maria.

"Well, hey! Now that you mention it, it has been a while since we’ve seen you Nat! I’ll be able to pull Jane out of the lab if you’re coming out for a night with us! You should come too Maria!" says Darcy.

“ _LEWIS!_ ”

"That’s my order! See you two later, either tonight or tomorrow!" calls Darcy over her shoulder as she picks up her order and starts back towards the tower.

Natasha and Maria share a look that clearly says: **_What just happened?_**


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is NOT how Natasha envisioned her night going, she was supposed to be having a quiet drink with Maria at a bar or a pub with food. NOT THIS. They're all out at a LOUD club. Did she mention A GAY CLUB? Because there are a shit ton of women hitting on Maria, sure she's getting her fair share of women too, but she doesnt' WANT them. Damnt it Darcy. And Pepper is sitting on the side looking all smug, what the heck?!

What’s happening now? Natasha doesn’t know. In fact she can’t hear the thoughts in her own head the music is so loud.   
The music isn’t her taste, but that’s mainly because she’s pretty sure she can feel the bass vibrating open every wound she’s ever had. 

"So what’s the next part of your dream scheme?" yells Natasha into Pepper’s ear, although she’s still not sure she heard her.

Darcy must have sensed the fact that Natasha was about to kill the next person who hit on Maria or tried to snuggle up to her because she dragged her on to he dance floor.

Natasha takes a deep breath and loses herself in the music. She feels a presence behind her and is about to elbow her way out, when she feels the familiar drum of fingers on her shoulder. It’s the same motion Maria used to use on the carriers to let Natasha know it was just her squeezing behind her in a cramped conference room or on the bridge. That way Maria didn’t end up with an elbow in the gut or a broken nose.

They’d just managed to find a comfortable rhythm with each other when Natasha catches Pepper looking at at her phone. Maria’s followed her gaze and she also knows what that look means.

It means their night is about to be cut short due to trouble elsewhere.

Duty calls, and all that jazz.

Pepper and Darcy can hardly bear it because it looked like something might actually happen.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria had gotten hurt after the avengers had been called in for an emergency. What a wayto end the night. Natasha still feelsl ike smashing all the robots that did this, even though they're all scrap metal thanks to Maria. It was a diversion, meant to take out the Avengers companions while they were out, they hadn't thought that 'companions' didn't mean weak and unprotected. Plus Jane's haphazard invention fried half of the robots and Pepper still had Extremis (shh it's a secret).

It was a two pronged attack. Tony and the guys went and took one side of the city while the girls took the other side. Unfortunately, that was what the droids were sent there to do. Distract.

Which is how Natasha came to be waiting up for Maria while Sharon patched her up. Jane and Darcy had managed to get out with nothing more than scrapes and were seeing to getting Pepper back to the Tower.

Jane had been taught how to defend herself a long time ago by Natasha but she also had come to expect pretty much anything after her adventures with Thor. Jane liked to be prepared. She made devices that normally would work as group stunners for say, should multiple federal agents be pursuing her (she’d given Maria a few) and they had jumbled whatever messages the robots had been receiving.

Pepper still had her Extremis. That was new information. Certainly a bonus since Natasha was using ammo faster than anticipated. Darcy apparently kept one of those car anti-theft CLAW devices in her car as a self defense measure. Darcy had a wicked swing.

Still, although it had seemed as a joke to everyone when Natasha started calling Maria Athena, it was the goddess of war that was fighting with them that night though.

Maria had analyzed the scene and within seconds and a shared look to Natasha, had a battle plan. Pepper would handle the anyone that managed to get past Maria or Nat while Darcy and Jane would take any stragglers. Maria had moved with skill and precision. She had taken the brunt of a blast aimed for Darcy, the shrapnel hitting her shoulder and back. But she kept moving. It was something Natasha was used to doing herself but she knew she still held herself to Red Room standards. Seeing Maria react without hesitation simply increased Natasha’s already high opinion of her.

But it landed them here, with Maria’s back being stitched up.

However, Sharon had an mission that she had to prep for.

Which was why Maria was staying with her overnight.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper didn't know when she devoted 10% of her day to set up Maria and Natasha, but it's taking it's toll on her psyche. She's goddamn Pepper motherfucking Potts (yes that's how she pep talks to herself), and if she can get Tony Stark to go to a 7am meeting whilst hungover and beaten, she sure as hell can make her boneheaded friends get together. Now if only they'll cooperate. And there's Darcy coming in with their latest plans. Maybe it's time to include others.

Bowling. They were bowling. Pepper had bowed out due to the fact that she couldn’t be sure her Extremis wouldn’t give her an advantage or destroy the alley.

So it was Jane and Darcy against Maria and Natasha. However while Jane was aware that Pepper and Darcy were trying to get Nat and Maria together, but she had no idea how much Pepper and Darcy had invested in this endeavor.

Jane learned how far Darcy was willing to go until that night. It was like dealing with a hyperactive eight year old hyped up on sugar. So for the sake of her oldest friend and someone that was becoming a close friend, she did her best to reign in her friend and intern. And want to be match maker, apparently.

Natasha and Maria didn’t need any help though. The night was pretty much perfect for them. To anyone else, a night bowling might seem ordinary or boring. It was certainly the last place anyone would go looking to find an Avenger. But it was also the sense of normalcy that Maria and Natasha eagerly wanted. So, with cheeseburgers and fries and large sodas they were making the most of the night and having fun. Jane and Darcy were too, in between Darcy playing really bad spy and sending Pepper photos.

The night before had been a bust because for some reason or another the guys had broken the elevator and by the time they had reached the living area in the service elevator they were too tired to hike up the stairs to Natasha’s apartment. Pepper had found them both asleep on the couch and overstuffed chair the next morning.

Now though, Maria and Natasha weren’t just competing against Jane and Darcy, they were battling against each other as well. Jane couldn’t help but smile at Maria when she got a strike and literally jumped on her toes with joy at having scored seven points on Natasha.

The night only got better and Natasha and Maria won against Jane and Darcy by four points but Maria had beat Natasha by twelve.

The night had ended with Jane hauling Darcy along with her back to the guest rooms at the Tower. Natasha walked Maria to her apartment before heading back to the Tower herself.

It was the kind of information Darcy was dying to know, but Jane had a surprisingly strong grip.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey Maria, you want to go out?" "Sure, just let me finish signing these first, It'll be about 10 minutes" "...ok." -Later- "I DID ask her out Pepper!" "You didn't make it clear! Gosh Natasha, you're worse than Tony!"

"Didn’t make it clea-? Are you getting this from some sort of guide that I just completely missed or something?" asks Natasha.

"It common knowledge Natasha. Just common sense" replies an exasperated Pepper, bracing her head on her hand.

"It’s unnecessary and making things harder than they need to be! I asked and she said yes! Simple!" says Natasha with as much conviction as she can muster, but Pepper’s lack of enthusiasm is making her nervous and unsure. It’s an unusual feeling for Natasha and she doesn’t like the taste it leaves in her mouth.

There’s a knock at the door and Maria pops her head in.

"You set, or am I interrupting?" asks Maria from the doorway.

"You’re fine. We were just discussing my dislike of romantic comedies" mutters Natasha as she snatches her jacket off the back of her chair as she leaves.

"You get roped into another movie night with Barton?" asks Maria as the door closes.

* * *

They hit a bookstore and wind up staying most of the afternoon. Given how much Maria works at Stark Industries and how they’re pretty much all digital, she’d almost forgotten the wondrous smell of a new book. The clean and crisp pages flipping under her fingers.

Natasha nabs a few books by Sarah Vowell as well as what look to be textbooks from last semester of World History from the nearby college. Maria goes to pick up a few books that she’s been meaning to read, but seeing that they’re political, Natasha takes them from her hands and replaces it with Calvin and Hobbes.

Come the end of the day, Natasha reveals that she bought another book, one for Maria that she could read while waiting to testify in court. She presents Maria with a copy of Suck it Wonder Woman! by Olivia Munn. Maria lets out a laugh and then laughs harder at the flip book in the corner of the pages. The kiss she gives Natasha on the cheek could be seen as friendly, which is why Nat finds it all the more frustrating.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Finally! You admit you like Maria!" "Yes, fine I am attracted to Maria, happy?" "Very, now we just have to get you two together" "We? And we ARE together!" "...What?! When was this?! Why wasn't I updated?"

This was one of those times when you say something hoping it will bring an end of discussion to the subject. As usual in Natasha’s case, that plan backfired. Natasha practically tackled Pepper and her overly expensive suit in her efforts to keep the CEO from going off to chat with Maria.

"Look, I don’t know if we’re together or not, but if it’s going to happen shouldn’t it be between just me and Maria if it does? Not us and a cast of thousands??" growls Natasha.

* * *

Maria isn’t oblivious to everything that is happening. She knows that it had just been Pepper before, but now Darcy had been added to the brain trust and it was working towards something involving her and Natasha, but honestly the less she knew the better. She preferred to have deniability in the future.

Of course, Natasha was looking more and more stressed out. She didn’t mind Natasha finding refuge in her office even if she did seem to be creating a second home of sorts there. There was space reserved for her in Maria’s mini fridge!

They’d been hanging out more and that was interesting. Mainly because Natasha had many interests that given her occupation, one wouldn’t expect. Like cooking or being a history buff. So, Maria had let her in on the fact that she was an arcade addict and had an uncontrollable craving for eggnog. It was sad really, the lengths she would go to for an eggnog shake.

Nat found out about her stuffed animals after her recent court appearance. They had attacked her record, her integrity, and while she hadn’t let it shake her, she’d needed a hug afterwards. Which is what her stuffed tiger was for.

"You have a Hobbes!?" gasped Natasha from her now closed office door. So that secret had been shared accidentally but Maria didn’t regret it since she knew she could trust Natasha.

That being said, even if Natasha knew what was going on, Maria still wasn’t going to ask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****Not entirely pleased with this. Might come back to it


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha doesn't actually want to discuss this with Pepper, but Jane was of no help. Are they a couple now? THey've been doing coupley things for a long time, lunches, dinners, hangouts, movie nights everything, but are they together? She doesn't want to ask Maria for fear of making a fool of herself, but are they together? Granted Maria's given her kisses on the cheek when she does something thoughtful, but do all women do that? She doesn't, but do they? Why can't she understand this?!

The hug was regarded as some big moment, but anyone who knew Natasha well knew that she was a sucker for chocolate gold coins.

So when Maria dropped five little bags in her lap, Natasha was instantly giddy. The hug she gave Maria was out of nowhere for most but Darcy hadn’t seen it happen.

And she didn’t hear about it later.

Because Darcy had been pouring over research all night and when Natasha gave her a cup of coffee later, lunged up and kissed her cheek before turning to Jane and ranting about how interns were fragile creatures that needed to be caffeinated!

Maria had seen the kiss though. And despite the fact that it had only been on the cheek, she felt coils of envy and jealousy begin to build in her chest.

Maria was so distracted by these puzzling feelings that she let Natasha have some of her eggnog to settle her stomach after eating all her chocolate at once.

 _Were they a thing?_ She wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with Natasha, but was she already? And how does one ask without offending the other person?? Okay, fine. She’d more than just pondered the concept. She’d admit to fantasizing some. But that didn’t make things any clearer… _where did Nat get that eggnog from??_


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria admits that she's had some Black Widow fantasies, but she'd bet a helicarrier that more than half the agents had too. The fantasies are resurfacing as Natasha leans in really close and brushes against her every time she's near. Maria's going crazy, Natasha doesn't actually need that much body contact to get a mug that's 3 ft away does she?

She might be over doing it.

Slightly.

But it’s not like Maria’s sending any signs back!! Those cheek kisses are new but could still be seen as just friendly! That in no way meant that Natasha wanted them to cease, just that a clearer sign would be nice.

But now she’s afraid she’s coming on too strongly. She doesn’t want to do that either. She’s been on the receiving end of that and it’s like one shade away from creepy at times. The last thing Natasha wants to come across as is aggressive or intimidating.

Okay, THAT, that pen reach just now? Completely accidental! Natasha just didn’t see that Maria was reaching for it too! Great, now it’s all awkward. Humph.

* * *

Maria has no idea what’s up with Nat today, but it looks like after a long argument in her head, Natasha is pouting. Maria has to bite her cheek to keep from grinning at the adorable expression.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I like you"   
> "Uhh...I like you too Natasha?"   
> "No, I like like you"

"Natasha, are you okay?"

"Huh?"

"It’s 21 degrees outside and you’re flush and sweating" says Maria as she gets up from behind her desk and gently pushes Natasha into a chair. She’d sent Pepper a message to Pepper to come to her office and had her hand against Natasha’s forehead at the moment.

"Hey! I’m trying to tell you something important you know!" gripes Natasha as she leans into Maria’s touch.

Pepper walks in and Maria turns to her, Pepper being the Avengers Mom of sorts. So was Maria, but when it came to looking after themselves sometimes Pepper had to do that for Maria too.

"She feels warm to me, given her altered immune system, I wanted someone else to check too" says Maria as she steps back. Pepper leans in with a smirk only to have it be replaced with a look of concern.

"Oh, Natasha sweetie, you’re burning up!" says Pepper in her Mom voice.

"What? No, I’m fine!" argues Natasha. It would have been convincing if it hadn’t been followed by the mother of all sneezes.

Somehow it was decided that Maria was taking Natasha up to her apartment floor and tucking her in and would check in on her every so often.

In the elevator, Natasha let out a sneeze that nearly knocked them both over.

"I really was trying to tell you something important you know" says Natasha through her clogged nose.

"Oh yeah? What’s that?" asks Maria as she tucks Natasha in and makes sure she’s propped up so that her nose doesn’t drown her.

"I don’t remember! My head is all weird and clogged now! And medicated!" complains Natasha as she snuggles deeper into her bed.

"Uh huh. Don’t worry Nat, I like you too, even when your nose is leaking everywhere and gross" says Maria before she kisses Natasha forehead and shuts off the light.

The mental aggravated groan is a little quieter due to the cold meds but still frustrated at both the unclear kiss and the cold interrupting her confession.


	16. The Crate: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Darcy why is there an order for a shipping crate for, and i quote 'to fit two human bodies and extra room for some hot hot action'?" "Oh you weren't supposed to see that" "It got flagged for security" "Yea, don't worry about it Maria, I cancelled it" "Do I even want to know?" "Probably not!"

She should have pressed for details.  Maria knows that now but it had been a busy day.    
However, it explains how Maria and Natasha are regaining consciousness inside a metal reinforced shipping crate.  Oh they’re also duct taped to each other back to back.  

Maria’s almost half way through the tape on her side when Natasha jolts awake cursing in Russian. Her attempt to leap forward and gain leverage only gets Maria’s head bashed into the top of the crate.

"Watch it!" complains Maria, only able to wince since her hands aren’t free to rub at the spot.

"Maria? Why are you here?" asks a still disoriented Natasha.

"Vacationing. It’s my favorite go to spot to avoid the crowds" mutters Maria as she continues to work. When she does get the tape off they’re able to get the tape off each other’s ankles too, but there isn’t much room to move around.

"So who’s brilliant plan is this? AIM? HYDRA?-"

"Darcy"

“ _Darcy?_ "

Maria gives Natasha a run down of her conversation with the intern earlier in the week, and Natasha begins to plan a slow death for the “little helper”.

"Then there’s her note" says Maria as she hands Natasha a sheet of paper. "I don’t get it."

Natasha does. It reads:

_**SHIPPING WHAT NEEDS TO BE SHIPPED!! Please don’t kill me, it’s for the greater good.** _


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria's getting a bit worried, Natasha's been getting lots of trivial injuries, ones that she should be able to avoid with her training. Like hitting her head on the table picking up a pen, dropping a steaming mug of coffee onto her feet - good thing she was wearing boots but they're ruined, walking into a door (opaque and clear), into a table, even the wall. Is Natasha okay? She should go to medical and get checked out, maybe someone poisoned her.

As a precaution and to settle her worries, Maria had Sharon come and visit her for lunch. Lunch was uneventful in that it was ordinary, but afterwards Sharon made a stop at Pepper’s office before leaving.

"Pepper" says Sharon with her arms crossed sitting across the CEO’s desk.

"Sharon?" says Pepper somewhat uneasily. Maria has intimidating down to a fine art and even though the two aren’t genetically related, Pepper’s beginning to wonder if the near sisters practiced the look by trying it on each other when they were younger.

"You’re going to do something about Natasha, right? I mean, by the looks of it, the building is incredibly sturdy, but Nat is going to break something and wind up in a cast and back here doing paperwork if that keeps up" says Sharon with a thumb over her shoulder.

"Thank god you see it too! Then work on Maria!! Darcy and I have Nat, but unless it’s work related, Maria is kinda of clueless" says Pepper with a relieved sigh.

"You and Darcy Lewis? That’s the brain trust?"

"Hey!"

"How long has this been going on?" asks Sharon as she rubs the spot above her right eyebrow.

"Three months."

"Three?! Three Months?? Are you serious?" asks Sharon.

"Hey! Darcy was this close to shipping them to Tony’s old house in LA in a crate and let them figure it out on the cross country train trip!" says Pepper as she points a finger at Sharon.

"And all other options are exhausted?"

"Like what?"

"Like smoke signals! Flag signs! Tony sky writing! The Hulk holding a paper banner with the words ‘will you go out with me?’!"

"They’ve been on dates….but I think only Natasha knew it was a date" explains Pepper.

"For the love of- -" sighs Sharon as she slumps back in her chair.

This was going to be harder than anyone had anticipated.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This has go to end" "What? aren't you being a little drastic?" "No this was fun in the beginning, now, now I just can't believe it and you!" "Pepper..." "No really! You're one of the world's top assassins and you can't get a straight answer?" "Nothing about this is straight" "Don't interrupt me, now I'm going to put a stop to this" "How?" "I'm going to ask Maria if she's attracted to you in a more than platonic, possibly romantic way" "YOU CAN'T ASK HER THAT!" "WATCH ME ROMANOFF!"

Pepper managed to make it out of her office despite Natasha’s grip on her waist. Jane and Darcy were walking down the hallway and paused when they encountered the pair.

"What are we doing?" asks Darcy, falling into step next to Pepper.

"Asking Maria!!" says Pepper still trying to stride forward.

"Gottcha" says Darcy and moves to open the door for her…only to be tackled from the side by Jane.

"JANE!!" cry Pepper and Darcy, shocked at the betrayal.

Sharon comes around the corner and walks right up to Maria’s office door, oblivious to the group a few feet away.

Maria becomes aware of the commotion at the sound of what might be a stampede outside her door. She opens the door to find Sharon under Pepper and Darcy with Jane and Natasha nearly thrown over the bunch in what seems to be a dog pile outside her door. She doesn’t even manage to get a word out before there are multiple calls of “I can explain!”

"I’m just here for lunch. Get them off me!" yells Sharon from the bottom of the pile.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria isn't clueless, she's more in denial than anything. Becasue really, the Black Widow having a crush on her is absurd.

"Maria! What is it? Do you just not like Nat that way?" asks Sharon. The two almost sitters have been walking in the park and whenever Maria gets anxious she quickens her pace, which seeing as they just had lunch, does Sharon’s stomach no favors.

"Of course I like her that way! Wow, that sounded bad. I didn’t mean to sound like all the make SHIELD employees at once just then. I mean I like her because she’s taken advantage of the long life she’s been given and used the years to better herself. She’s a history buff and has read all of the SHIELD mission files and has me going with her every time a new exhibit opens at the Met."

"So what’s the problem?" says Sharon as she yanks Maria down onto a nearby bench.

"What’s the endgame?" sighs Maria.

"Maria!"

"Sharon! C’mon! Why would the Black Widow possibly be interested in me?" argues Maria. Sharon feels like pulling her hair out.

"Maria, Natasha’s recent accidents aren’t part of her getting ready for a mission, she’s only that way around you" says Sharon. It breaks Sharon’s heart to see Maria, usually so full of confidence, so full of doubt.

Any further thoughts on the subject are forgotten at the sound of a nearby traffic accident. Well half of one. The other half was made up of HYDRA project who had turned himself to iron. And of course where there was one HYDRA, there were more. Sharon and Maria fell into combat mode naturally and had the upper hand.   
At least, that was until there was a taxi cab headed straight at Maria.

Natasha barreled into her side and managed to get them out of the car’s path. They both fired shots at the one who had thrown it and then he was down too. Clint and Sam took care of stragglers with Sharon while Natasha helped Maria up. Maybe Sharon had been right. There was no mistaking the frantic look of concern in Natasha’s eyes.

"Robin?"

Maria let herself fall into Natasha’s arms and let the assassin hold her up while she cursed in every language she knew. No, no, NO! This couldn’t be happening. At the moment her life starts to turn around in a good way, he cannot show up!!

"Robin is that you? You’re one of the Avenger’s team??"

Maria turns in Natasha’s still protective hold to see Ted, Lilly, and Marshall all standing there gaping at them.

There’s only one thing to do.

Bury her head in Natasha’s shoulder and will them away.   
That’d totally work, right?


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria's going to go on a firing spree soon. There are flowers and chocolates in her office. In. HER. Office. Security is USELESS at Stark Industries and she's going to send heads rolling, literally, if it doesn't stop. Because one look at the card, Ted Mosby, is going to send Maria Hill into a murder spree. (She misses the one with BW on it and sends them all to charity).

Ted Mosby has invaded everything and it’s driving Maria crazy. When ever she tried to calm herself she remembered Natasha holding her protectively in her arms in the street for a moment. And then Ted’s voice invaded even that, calling her by her old cover name.

They’d tried to handle this calmly. They’d let Agent Harris meet with the group and explain how the best way to stay on top of any incidents that may have slipped SHIELD’s radar and might need assistance or inquiry, was to go undercover as a newscaster and stay on top of the constant news feed.

Natasha had been offering her support in small silent ways. She left food and coffee for Maria and was fast enough to get to Maria’s gun before Maria started shooting people.

Agent Harris had reported back with an inability to make anything other than sounds of frustration. Oh and a recording of Ted saying he loved Robin “no matter who she is.”

Well, right now she’s pissed off and seriously considering giving orders to see that Ted Mosby has a significantly shortened lifespan.

According to Agent Harris, Lilly and Marshall had taken the news rather well, especially considering that they’d just witnessed Maria and the others fighting HYDRA. He had assured them that their friendship was real and that while Maria’s marriage to Agent Harris had all been for the sake of their cover, the friendship they had was real but as Maria and Harris had explained, i had become too hard. What had gone unsaid was that Agent Harris had a husband and the marriage, although fake, had put a strain on that. Also, that Maria had largely used Ted because at the beginning of the assignment and the following years because it was thought that someone had plans to use him. They had followed every lead and come up with nothing, even after HYDRA made their presence known. Harris had kept an eye on the others but there were no signs of threat.

Natasha. They had forgotten Natasha was even in the room until she excused herself, and then Maria felt like shooting herself in the foot. Hearing about her undercover marriage must have been a shock. Maria knew that Nat and Clint had pretended to be married many times but had never actually had to go through the process.

Ted Mosby was fucking up her life after she thought she’d gotten rid of him for good and it had to stop. Especially, since it had made things awkward between her and the Avenger she had a crush on but also the one assassin she’d hire to kill him.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper is going to kill someone, that someone is a certain architect. Maybe she'll ruin his career, no it's not his fault Natasha was slow and didn't just kiss the girl when she had the chance. Actually it is his fault because he's constantly bombarding Maria now and she's pretty much a hermit due to him. But now Natasha is moping and Maria is frustrated and everyone is just upset. All due to that damn architect Peppe rcan't even remember the name of. Not important, he needs to go.

"Mr. Mosby" starts Pepper. It’s as far as she gets.

"Yo- You know my name?" asks Ted. Honestly, Pepper doesn’t know why Mosby was flagged but she certainly sees how easy it would be to set his mind to something. This will be no easy task.

Which is why Sharon’s joining her.

"Yes Mr. Mosby we know a great deal. SHIELD was an intelligence organization you know" purrs Sharon from behind him as she circles around to sit next to Pepper. "But SHIELD doesn’t exist anymore" says Ted as he holds up a finger.

"Which is why we marvel at the fact that you still do, seeing that Maria and Agent Harris were to ensure your safety" says Pepper.

"But wait, am I still in danger?" asks Ted as he pulls at his collar.

"As you said, there is no more SHIELD and I now work for the CIA and they really don’t see it as their biggest concern what with HYDRA about- -" says Sharon.

"What about Robin? What does she say? I read that she was pretty important" says Ted. Sharon’s right eyelid twitches.

"She doesn’t care. I’m sure you know she has a sister- -" interjects Pepper before Sharon starts shooting.

"Yeah a younger one. I’ve met her" says Ted.

"Wrong. _We’ve_ never met. Until now that is. She also has a brother.  That was also just a part of her cover. A way for you to show that you actually respect Maria would be to address her by her real name" growls Sharon.

"But you’re blonde" says Ted.

"FOCUS" interjects Pepper again. "Maria is in a relationship with someone else and is so happily."

"Wait, what?" says Ted, suddenly very alert. "You said Barney had a husband!"

"He does, but the Black Widow does not" says Sharon.

"Black Widow?"

"You have a family Mr. Mosby. Think of them and leave Maria alone" says Pepper as she gets up to leave.

* * *

"Really? Threaten his family?" says Sharon to Pepper.

"Please, it’s Natasha. She’d become the kids new best friend and then even they’d want Maria with Nat" says Pepper.

* * *

Back at the table Ted is undeterred.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He's refusing to give up on you" "Agent Harris..." "I tried, I really did! Told him everything I could to deter him. TOld him your statistics, by the way, your kill rate is much higher than I thought it would be, but that's not the point. He says he doesnt' care about your past or that you lied to him, he 'loves' you and won't stop trying to win you back" "He already started calling me, you're still married right?" "Happily" "Now I need someone else to be my faux-husband" "How about faux-wife?"

So, when Natasha is extremely stressed she may fall into old habits. Which is why she listening from the shadows from the floor above. "I see what you’re doing Harris, aside from using the words faux husband and faux wife as often as possible in an effort to make them trendy. Obviously, Pepper or Darcy or both told you of my feelings for Natasha but I’m not going to use her that way. If I’m going to use Natasha in any capacity, it’ll be her expertise as an assassin and having her kill Ted."

"Wow" says Harris with shake of his head. "Back into the old routine and you’re just all business, aren’t you? Wow!"

Maria merely raises an eyebrow at Harris.

"Do I look like I need sass right now?" asks Maria.

Natasha can’t help the smirk that sneaks across her face at that.

"Look, I’m not saying you use Widow like we used Ted. But you can use this opportunity to find more out about each other, you know? Get better acquainted!" says Harris as he wiggles his eyebrows.

"Careful Harris, you’re slipping into Barney awfully easily. And no, that’s what dating is for Which is where’d I’d be if Ted wasn’t lurking!"

Except that Natasha had left after smirking and didn’t hear that part.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha's all mopey. Does this Ted Mosby really love Maria/ Robin? He seems to be, doing everything he can to get Maria's attention. Doesn't Maria deserve someone who'd love her so much? Does Natasha even compare to that love? Natasha sighs. She did take an awful long time to even admit she has an attraction to Maria. And not just physically, but with everything, even Maria's weird stuffed animal collecting and eggnog addiction.

Natasha has gone to see Bruce three times and the last two he’s given her a sympathetic look but there had been something to his smile as well. Her stomach and head have been irritating her and if Bruce can’t fix it, what’s she supposed to do?

She’s watched Ted Mosby pursue Maria now for the better part of a week and a half. So far he’s done most of the sweepingly romantic gestures that she’s seen in Clint’s Netflix romantic comedy queue, but she doesn’t know what to make of them since none of them have been successful.

She’s watched Maria become more and more like her cover persona. Maria slapped the bouquet of roses out of Ted’s hands and let Tony blast the plastic instrument he’d brought with him to ash. The man looked as if he might cry but Maria was beyond caring.

Natasha thought she loved Maria, but this man certainly had passion for her if he kept coming back, but then again lately whenever Natasha saw her, Maria was practically shaking with rage.

Apparently, Ted Mosby was an architect, a bland job to hear Maria talk about it. Or at least Ted’s were. But he’d also done his research and apparently wasn’t above calling Natasha out on her past in public.

"Robin, do even know how many people she’s killed?!?" he had asked after ambushing them at lunch.

"My name is Maria, and it doesn’t bother me. Also, I was the one sending her out to kill some of those people Ted!" barked Maria right back, except it wasn’t quite Maria since there was a frantic look in her eye that the composed form of Maria Hill never had.

Natasha wasn’t sure what to make of any of this, but she’d wait it out and see.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha never thought she'd have to bail Maria Hill out of jail.

Natasha is waiting for her with a cooler.   
"Nat I am sooo sorry!" says Maria. "I didn’t mean to- - " 

Natasha waives off her apology. ”You’ve always had top marks when it came to shooting, and it doesn’t surprise me that your cover found it relaxing too” says Natasha from her spot leaning against her car.

Maria had been arrested after slicing the tires and shooting out the windows and engine block of Ted’s car. The car he had just bought because it had been Robin’s dream car. This was after he’d come and declared that he’d divorced his wife and left his children with her all for Robin. There was an orchestra playing as well. On blue instruments.

As Maria explained it, she was severely jet lagged and more than slightly hung over on her first undercover date with Ted and had found the fact he stole the instrument for her sweet. In retrospect she can’t imagine why, given the things Natasha’s stolen for SHIELD.

So, yes. She’d had a bit of a break down and raged at Ted to go back to his family, and leave her alone. That the biggest relief of marrying Agent Harris had been getting rid of him, despite his guilt trips and attempts to convince her otherwise both days before the wedding and the day of.

"It wasn’t a real wedding!" argued Ted.

"It was in that I was no longer available and never had been to you except when it was determined for the mission that I stay extra close! And when I couldn’t ‘drunk or sad Barney’ stayed with you!" yelled back Maria.

It had been harsh, but Natasha knew sometimes that was the only way unless you were roommates and clearly Ted wasn’t the sort to let it stay at just that. It had gone on for about another five minutes before Maria took it out on the car that had been her Dad’s favorite and the only specific model she could think of when he’d asked, but that she hated. Natasha had been watching from afar and seen Maria get arrested as well.

So, Maria’s call for help with bail wasn’t unexpected.

It had given her enough time to put a black widow spider in his son’s terrarium where he kept his tarantula, an hour glass necklace on his daughter’s dresser, and tag both his apartment front door and the inside of his apartment with her Black Widow symbol.

In case there was any confusion.

From what she hears later from Tracy, he children loved their gifts, the son absolutely stunned that the Black Widow spider killed the larger tarantula.

So here they were. Natasha pulls out the small cooler from the backseat and takes out two plastic glasses and a thermos of eggnog along with a chocolate orange. It’s worth it to see Maria’s light up like that.

"A feast!" says Maria, nearly giddy with the eggnog in her hands and an eggnog mustache on her face.

"I can’t say that I whacked the orange on Ted’s head, but rest assured he won’t be bothering you again" says Natasha before popping a slice of chocolate into her mouth. Maria’s feet bounced like an excited bunny’s at the news.

"Are you serious? Don’t joke about this, especially when I’m drinking eggnog" warns Maria with a twinkle in her eye.

"Well, bullets made your point pretty clear, or so I’ve heard but I also left my mark on a few things as a warning. He’s gone" confirms Natasha.

She hadn’t been expecting the arms wrapped around her or the kiss, but neither was unpleasant. In fact they left her light headed momentarily. When Natasha wrapped her arms around Maria this time, Maria rested against her again and snuggled closer, only moving to snatch up the chocolate orange so they could keep snacking.

"So if I were to ask you to a date tomorrow night, would you say yes?" asks Natasha with a smile.

"A formal date?" teases Maria.

"Hell no, we can go bowling again or to the arcade or anything. We’ve been dressing up for enough events as it is. Can’t have fun in heels" replies Natasha pulling a large leather jacket tighter around them.

"Isn’t this Steve’s?"

"I’m borrowing it"

"Plan on returning it?"

"Nope"

"Good, it’s comfy"

"I thought so, glad you agree"

* * *

Ted watched the two from where he was parked across the lot.

He had lost her to the Black Widow and the Widow had left her mark everywhere for him to see. But the black and red paint hadn’t hurt nearly as much as seeing how happy the two were with each other.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ted has turned into a villain …of sorts. He is being used to try and cause problems for Stark Industries

Maria isn’t speaking. She’s too mad. Pepper is at her wits end. At the moment, Natasha is away on assignment so the usual contractor they’d go to for this sort of thing is unavailable. Clint, however, is free.

Ted Mosby fancies himself as some sort of nemesis to Stark Industries. It’s clear that someone with an actual agenda is using him and they’re trying to find out who, but until then they have Mosby to deal with.

Ted no longer loves Maria, which is a relief for her, but now claims she ruined his life and that’s what’s fueling his vendetta. GNB has bought a property that their’s reason to believe is being used as a HYDRA recruiting and training facility. By hiring Ted to sketch out some plans, the cover looked more legit.

None of this anything lessen Ted’s annoyance though. From a business standpoint the man is an absolute menace. Not only does he flaunt the new elevated status he’s been given, but he makes sure to do it in Pepper and Maria’s faces as much as possible. They wouldn’t care, except the papers are making the big deal out of it that Ted wants.

So really, Clint’s visit should have been excepted.

"Sooooo….this is very accurate" says Clint from the window sill. Ted spins around from his drafting table (knocking his coffee and mug of pens and pencils to the floor) to see the intruder in his home.

"You’re not the Black Widow" says Ted.

"I’m Hawkeye. Think of me as her brother. The kind that has her back in a fight but also knows when to just sit back and watch while she ends people" says Clint.

"Yeah, I saw her numbers online. I don’t know why Robin isn’t more concerned with that" says Ted, crossing his arms.

"That’s because you haven’t looked up Maria’s numbers. Look, you gotta knock this stuff off cause I reserve my arrows for you know, serious evil people. Not, delusional architects that have come into power and think a comic-con and renaissance fair costume combo makes them evil" says Clint as he leaned against the window sill.

"Hey! She broke my heart and left me for another woman!" argues Ted.

"Yeah well, from what I hear, it’s not the first time that’s happened" remarks Clint with a smirk. "Look, I’ll let you off with a warning and a love tap this time but seriously, no one means business like Stark Industries. Especially, Pepper Potts."

"Fine, whatever, just hit me and go" says Ted, turning his back on Clint.

Clint smirked again and when Ted turned to see that he was still standing there, struck him.

* * *

Ted shows up to an event later claiming he fell in the shower. Pepper and Maria know the real story behind the massive black eye that makes him look like someone’s piece of abstract performance art.


	26. Taking Charge - Darcy Lewis Style

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Done with justanexercise

Darcy Lewis is just doing what needs to be done.

Jane doesn’t see it that way.

"Darcy…what are you doing?" asks Jane, eyeing the weapon in Darcy’s hand.

"I’m sick of people blowing holes in my ship!" Darcy yells, waving the weapon, her finger on the trigger.

Jane swallows and tries not to flinch every time Darcy has it pointed at her. “Darcy, you don’t have a ship.”

"Not that ship, my ship, my OTP with the UST and they better get to the frickle frackle soon or else even my vagina is going to turn sympathy blue for them!"

"…what?" Jane’s face scrunches up in confusion. Darcy’s grasp of the English language is far too internet for Jane’s taste.

"I’m talking about Maria and Natasha, they need to get a move on and if architect of denial does one more thing to get in their way," Darcy mimes with her empty hand shooting a gun, "KABOOM!" She pats the real weapon in her other hand and coos. "Isn’t that right Shockey?"

"You’re not going to blow him up are you? I don’t think Maria wants him dead…" Jane says, then thinks better of it. "Well, at least not permanently dead."

"Nope, Shockey is Tony’s mark 5 Taser, don’t worry I totally learned how to use it," Darcy says.

"That’s what I’m afraid of," mumbles Jane. She looks at Darcy still stroking the weapon. "Natasha taught you to use a taser?"

"Nope, she doesn’t have time with all those head bumps and paper cuts and mooning over Maria."

"Then who…?"

"Agent May, she’s totally badass by the way, don’t tell Natasha but I think the agents shit their pants more with May’s glare than hers. She has the thousand-yard-I’m-gonna-kill-you-with-my-eyes look."

Jane sighs and rubs her face. “Okay, at least you learned weapons safety, but seriously don’t -“

"Oh ho ho! Lookie what we have here," Darcy announces, looking out the window. "Be right back."

Jane hazards a look out and grimaces. Ted Mosby, with … what is that?   
\------

Having a telescope is very handy in cases like this. Looking through it she sees Mosby carrying what looks to be a French Horn spray painted blue. Really badly spray painted. Wait, wouldn’t that conduct electricity? Jane is already wincing before Darcy has pulled the trigger. She’s recording it though with her phone. Everything from Darcy’s cackle right before she fires down to Ted’s pained scream. Jane’s so glad that Maria and Natasha are out on a date right now and missing this spectacle but she’ll save it for them to see later.

However she knows that she’ll also probably be bailing Darcy out of jail again and ought to get down there to help her ditch the taser before the cops get there.

When she does reach them, Ted looks to have third degree burns on the hand which is still clutching the half melted instrument in his hand and twitching. He’s relentless and persistent which would be good things in any situation but this one.

"Robin?" says Ted weakly as he comes to.

"No. I suggest you run because Darcy almost has enough charge for another shot and I think I saw Hawkeye on the balcony and I’m not going to stop either one of them" says Jane as she leans back on her feet.

Ted looks at Jane’s face and then at Darcy’s and takes off. Bad timing. That’s all this was.


	27. Good Deed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria just wanted to do a good deed, seeing that her ex was on hard times, she'd reached out to Pepper to give him one of the smaller jobs of rebuilding a Stark subsidiary tower. For lower income housing, she didn't expect to see Ted at SI, with a blue french horn.

Maria makes her way as calmly as she can to Pepper’s office the moment she sees Ted in the elevator.

“ _Why is he here?_ ” hisses Maria as soon as she closes the door.

“Help me out a little. Who are you talking about?” asks Pepper as she watches Maria try to hide herself behind one of the office chairs and frosted glass.

“ _Ted Moseby_!”

“It was your idea to give him a small job?” answers Pepper, leaning over her desk to get a better look at Maria trying to hide her five foot eight inch tall frame behind her furniture.

“Act normal” says Maria as she waives Pepper back.

“Yes, because that’s exactly what you’re doing….” mutters Pepper as she settles into her chair. “What’s with the horn?”

“He stole it for me on our first date. It was sort of romantic. Now it’s just a reminder that he’s a relentless pest. Not even Nat threatening him will make him leave me alone! Pepper!!! Make him leave!!” begs Maria.

“I can’t. I have a meeting with him. In about three minutes…” answers Pepper with an expression of pity.

“What?”

“Of all the offices to duck into, this was the worst one. Sorry.” She’s met with the most heated glare she’s seen from Maria yet. “You’re the one who dove in here!”

That’s when Ted entered. “Robin?”

“Mr. Moseby, I believe you know Ms. Hill” interjects Pepper. “She has to get to a meeting with our international partners….”

“Robin I brought you—” starts Ted, gesturing towards her with the blue french horn.

Maria is wondering if she shoots through Pepper’s window, if the fall would kill her. Or is it bullet proof. But that’d only be from the outside, right?

Pepper just wants her office in one piece but can see Maria’s hand twitching towards her gun and the guy is still talking.

This can’t end well.


End file.
